Friday, October 13, 2006

The Way I See It # 2,000,000,000


So the Missus, knowing as she does that I can't write from home, has told me that I'm not to leave work until I've posted something to my blog. Which is incredibly sensitive to my creative needs, if you think about it. Perhaps she's the modern day incarnation of Thalia, the Greek mythological muse of comedy, inspiring me to more and better work.

Or maybe it's just sort of bitchy. I reserve judgment for now.

So: my job... busybusybusy. INSANELY so. I should probably be using this breather to double check my work, in order to make sure I haven't overshot the razor thin margin of error I'm afforded by my employers. But, baby, I just DO NOT feel like it today.

Awww. I've missed you, too! Didja lose a few pounds? Ya' look great, I mean it.

I've been so busy that I'm back to drinking (Scooterdad's gloating will resume in 5, 4, 3, 2...) Starbucks. It's just so damn convenient. Plus, they opened a drive thru mere blocks from my house. Which, yeah, it's a corporate joint and all, but may I just take a moment to say WOOOO HOOOO! We're gonna gentrify this neighborhood like a MOTHER F_____!!!

I pulled up on my way to my daughter's daycare and she said "COFFEE." Actually, it was more like "KF'FEEE" but I thought it was completely adorable. Or maybe kinda sad. Again, I reserve judgment.

The unfortunate reality is this - Starbucks coffee is actually a hell of a lot better than just about any of the coffee shops that I haven't bothered to review here. That said - just what is the deal with the inane blather they have printed on the side of their cups, under the heading "The Way I See It "? Really, is there someone out there who's coffee going experience is incomplete until they've received Oprah-caliber wisdom from an acoustic guitarist who's featured in heavy rotation on the Starbucks XM satellite radio station?

I've decided to compile some quotes to of my own for the the cups at my own, imaginary coffee house, a shop that I'm currently calling "The Coffee Clutch" (after a line in the Roger Corman classic The Wasp Woman. As in "Oh, we were just having a little coffee-clutch." Like, water-cooler talk in the break room at work. Catchy, innit?)

(DRAT! Blogger's photo capabilities have gone all wonky, once again - so all you get is the golden tressed, atom powered nemesis of the Man of Steel. I invite the completists among you to perform a Google image search for the great thinkers listed below...)

----------------------------

"maybe I'm the faggot America; I'm not a part of the redneck agenda"
Billy Joe Armstrong

"It's not what you are like - it's what you like: movies, music. These things matter." Rob from High Fidelity.

"What's real? What's not? That's what I do in my act, test how other people deal with reality." Andy Kaufman

"Life is an obscure hobo, bumming a ride on the omnibus of art."
Maxwell H. Brock, beatnick poet extrordinare, Bucket of Blood.

"I'm so cool you could keep a side of meat in me for a month! I'm so hip I have trouble seeing over my pelvis!" - Zaphod Beeblebrox


"If you don't tell me where she is, I will hurt people!" Nuclear Man, from Superman IV: The Quest for Peace

"You know, my son, I wouldn't be Emperor of the Galaxy if I didn't have a few powers at my disposal. Imperial Battleship, halt the flow of time! " Emperor of the Galaxy, Starcrash.

"The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, 'You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.'" George Carlin

Feel free to add your own! You know you want to!

21 comments:

thisandthat said...

These are just a few of Jack Handey's words of wisdom which would be on ALL the coffee cups of my dream place.

1.Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

2.Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind.

3.It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

4.I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"

5.The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

6.Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.

7.I'd rather be rich than stupid.

blackpetunia said...

" You're dogmeat, pal!" - Hudson(Bill Paxton in Aliens)

"I want my two dollars!" - The Paper Boy (Better off Dead)

"Ruth, Baby Ruth" - Sloth

"And these children that you spit on as they try to change their worlds are immune to your consultations. They're quite aware of what they're going through" - David Bowie

"You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really unevolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day" Yeah, looks liked He rushed it." - Bill Hicks

"I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out." - Bill Hicks

"When you were born your were a beautiful blank page, and then, your big sister SCRIBBLED all over YOU." - My mother

Just a few that get me through the day...

blackpetunia said...

Ok, one more:

"Heed, Pants, Now" - Mike Myers incognito

cassie d said...

'you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose...'
Amber Dover circa 1992

cassie d said...

okay - more jack handey:
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

"It makes you wonder, doesn't it? Just how normal are we? Just who are the people we nod our hellos to as we pass on the street? A rather good question to ask — particularly in 'The Twilight Zone'."
- Rod Serling

"How can you put your faith in a man whose idea of a romantic nightspot and an impregnable fortress are the same thing? This is a pub!"
- David, to Liz, "Shaun of the Dead"

mrs said...

'the way I see it' is that you need to post more. yours is one of my favorites.

k-bo said...

coffee klatch

PRONUNCIATION: kf-klch, -kläch, kôf-
VARIANT FORMS: or coffee klatsch also kaf·fee·klatsch
NOUN: A casual social gathering for coffee and conversation.
ETYMOLOGY: Partial translation of German Kaffeeklatsch : Kaffee, coffee + Klatsch, gossip; see klatch.

Blackpetunia said...

I've told Thisandthat and Cass, but I'll be up there after Thanksgiving and hope I can meet up with you and the Mrs., for a cup of coffee or a drink or something. I've not got your email, so try mine at littlemare_a@yahoo.com

cassie d said...

i finally saw darkman.

it was pretty good in that Sam Raimi style...

when are we having our movie night? i still have to SEE superman 4, and i'm assuming, a TON of other cult classics you have on hand!

mrs said...

please....just put up a picture of something else. I know you have been wicked busy, but I can't look at this pic of Gene Hackman and token gay boy/actionhero anymore. I will buy you the Superman set.........just change the post.

cassie d said...

if you buy the set for caffx - i'm coming over dressed up as Nuclear Man - but with boobs...

caffeinator_x said...

Oh, now that is so fricking hot...

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k-bo said...

Are you thinking about coming back ever? Once in a while I used to read your posts in lieu of having a coffee. You know- when I was trying to cut back...

Your writing is good. Please consider it.

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